The Christmas eve cooking madness is over, so now it’s prep for New Year’s we will be working on. We had a more than full house yesterday and that means 75 people all eating 6 course dinner, bringing the total plates sent out to 450. Starting at about 8pm and ending at a rather late 11:30, that means sending out just over 2 plates every minute and with a total of 28 components for the whole dinner, someone had to put something on a plate every one and a quarter second.

And that’s not all. Take the main course, for example: The beef needs six minutes on the grill, but the Yorkshire pudding needs twenty-five to bake, so while doing his other duties, the guy at the oven needs to keep an eye on several different batches of Yorkshire pudding and he needs to fire each batch of steaks exactly six minutes before his pudding is done. At the same time, the goose breast needs to be roasted, rested, sliced and the foie poached, the pie top baked, fresh batter whisked up, the lobster battered and deep fried, the bacon rendered, the mushrooms fried while the fish is floured the sorbet scooped, the oysters shucked the jelly scratched, the foam shaken up, the caviar spooned and the pudding plated.

Unless you have worked in a busy kitchen before, you don’t realise the speed and coordination needed to make it all happen.  I’m quite proud of my team, because they go through this kind of thing like a train at full steam, producing high quality food with complete insouciance. They chat and crack jokes, but they never slacken off and keep checking on each other to make sure it all arrives on the plate at the same time, again and again and again. Apart from a major mistake (such as dropping a pan full of just fried fish – and NO, it does not get dusted off and plated!!), no one ever stops moving. From the front of the pass (that’s where the finished plates are waiting to be picked up) it all looks like an intricate, well choreographed modern ballet, and I know all will be well. Unless…

Here’s the thing that will throw a major spanner into the works: A request for something that is not on the menu. Now, we know that some people just can’t eat some things, so we are prepared. We actually have a replacement for every one of the six courses, even though we don’t advertise it as an option (we don’t want to make our lives more miserable than is absolutely necessary). The problem starts when someone asks: Can I just have some steamed vegetables? Answer: NO.

Now, unless you realise what is going on in the kitchen, you might think we’re just being haughty, but steamed veg (or stir fried, or whichever way) means one person washing, peeling, cutting, steaming, plating for about ten minutes. Not long, but long enough to stop 20 dishes from going out on time, delaying everything that follows and making the kitchen grind to a temporary halt. And a halt, believe me, is something you don’t want at all, because chances are, the guys will never be able to get back to the same momentum. It’s like taking a break on a long run and then trying to muster the energy start up again and finish – not easy!

I don’t think much of chefs or kitchens that try and show their ‘power’ by refusing a reasonable request (really quite pathetic) and believe me, if we can, we will, but sometimes (and just sometimes) it just simply isn’t possible.

A Merry Old Christmas to you all and may all your dishes come true.