One thing I really like about Sunday mornings is the deserted streets. Most of the time, you have the whole width and breadth of jalan Ampang to yourself. Wind down the window, breathe the fresh KL air, enjoy the fact that it’s not yet 45° in the shade and cruise along at leisure. Well, almost… This morning, as I was waiting at the traffic lights, where Ampang crosses Tun Razak, a souped-up Proton drew up next to me, its engine revving, its exhaust thundering impressively (especially considering that this car is propelled by a 1.2l engine). This Super Proton was rocking back and forth, the driver too nervous and too geared up to apply the brakes, impatient to shoot forward, down Jln Ampang at breakneck speed… As the car inched onto the pedestrian crossing (hey, we don’t really have pedestrians in KL anyway, do we? Do we??), I looked across.

And here, dear friends, allow me to digress just a little. We all have a bit of a racist streak in us, so most of you will already be thinking of one race or another, piling on the stereotypes and the penile shortcomings (for one thing is certain, this is not going to be a girl!), but let me tell you: When it comes to souping up miniscule cars and driving them like a pocket-sized Schumacher, One Malaysia has truly been achieved!

But that was not the point. As I gazed across, happily content on the after-effects of half a Xanax the night before, I saw that the guy was about sixty-five years old. Now that was a shock! I mean, to be 25, even 30 and to dress your Kancil up like a Dinky Toy Lamborghini is one thing, but to be doing it when you should be pottering in the garden after finishing the Times crossword puzzle is quite another. Just driving around in the thing, I could understand. He might have borrowed it from his no-good, sure-to-end-up-in-jail son after his Avanza broke down, but here the pathetic twit (replace letter if you like) was proudly showing off his illegal, third rate body kit, behaving like he was at Le Mans, it was ridiculous!

Just as I was thinking these mature thoughts, the lights changed to green and I had just enough time to switch my gear to manual, floor the accelerator and shoot past the guy with my tyres screaming, pathetic loser that he was…

I’ve been thinking about whether or not to share this with anyone. There is, you see, a little nasi lemak place high on the hill above KL and, well, it’s really good. And I mean REALLY good. So good, in fact that you can find me trekking all the way out there several times a month to have breakfast and believe me, this is not just around the corner: Take the elevated highway to the very end of it, all the way out to Ampang. Continue past Ampang village and on past Ampang waterfront (that place, by the way, is worth a blog of its own) and on and on. Turn right in the direction of the only landmark to be found, i.e. the Carrefour desecrating… Come to think of it, there really wasn’t anything to desecrate.

Now comes the tricky bit. You pass a few dull intersections and then you have to turn left to ascend the hill. If you’re not familiar with the area (and let’s face it, why the hell should you be, there really is nothing there) you’ll have to be careful not to miss the turn. Up and up you go, heading towards Hulu Langat, singing “Climb every Mountain” fabulously out of tune and there, just at the top, on your right, you see what looks like a DBKL interpretation of a public toilet for tourists (half of it actually IS a public toilet for tourists) and here you have reached Walhalla.

I know you’re going to question my nasi lemak judgement, so I would like to insert a few quotes from local friends unbiased by the fact that I got up at seven in the morning to pick them up from their homes, drove them for miles while making interesting conversation and then bought them the very nasi lemak they are now gobbling up, only to drive them all the way to work after that. Quotes: “Wow”; “Damn Siok”; “When are we coming back here?” – See???

And what makes it so good? The rice is lemak, the ayam goreng is freshly gorenged, the sambal is not too sweet and the whole thing is better than the sum of its delicious parts. In short, like the nasi lemak of my youth, misspent as it may have been. But seriously, don’t just take my word for it, this place is open daily and I think it nasi lemaks from 7:30 to 11:00am. Go early, climb the hill behind the warung and enjoy the view while you’re at it. And remember, climbing the hill after your nasi fix will consume one tenth of one percent of the calories you just stuffed into yourself. But then, some things are just really, really worth getting fat for.